A former film critic has chucked it in and now reviews movies before either of you have seen them.
The question to be asked is not why you would 'leave' Las Vegas, but why you would want to go to the gilded cesspit in the first place. Filmmakers, though, have repeatedly supped from the chalice of filth that is Vegas, making pilgrimages to this shrine to greed and turning out such masterpieces as 'Viva Las Vegas' - starring billionaire fatso Elvis Presley - and more recently a spate of ostensibly 'serious' movies. These range from Coppola's 'One From The Heart' and Beatty's 'Bugsy'; through 'Indecent Proposal' and 'Honeymoon in Vegas' (also featuring Nicolas Cage i.e. Coppola's nephew), to the monumentally crappy 'Showgirls' and Scorsese's dazzling 'Casino'. And, of course, the movie in question, which according to the pre-publicity, is nothing short of a bloody masterpiece. (But hey, who cares about the critics.)
'Leaving Las Vegas' has won almost every American film award available (short of
the Oscars) and yet, sadly, the poster seems to be trying awfully hard to make
the subject matter i.e. depressed alcoholic writer fails to have sex and kills
himself, deeply sexy to the popcorn-gorging masses. Why else would you need to
sell a film on Elizabeth Shue's wonder-bra'd cleavage which is, without doubt,
the visual focus of the film's accompanying artwork. Besides, never trust
hyperbolae, I say - especially when it is supplied by those pompous,
self-aggrandising farts at 'Time Out' and the 'Daily Mail'. In the film's
favour, however, I would say that Mike Figgis also directed the magnificent
'Internal Affairs' and Nicolas Cage, with or without spray-on hair, is always
watchable. There, a positive review for once. (Almost).
3 out of 10
This is a play on words. 'Fair' because Cindy Crawford is in it. 'Game' because it is a thriller. And 'Fair Game' because, presumably, Crawford is fair game i.e. 'that which may legitimately be pursued'. Clever, eh? Something tells me though that some RayBan-sporting dick came up with the title and concept (er...Supermodel Vehicle) long before a script was committed to paper. Sure, Cindy Crawford is mighty purdy and a feisty dame ta boot... I guess. And yeah, she probably has got a good head for business having had a successful modelling career and million-selling wrist work-out video (excellent photography and choreography ruined only by that posturing whoopsie Radu or Ragu or whatever the fuck he is called) but this does not make her any great shakes as an actor.
Of course, Crawford is not the first supermodel to make the cross-over to celluloid. Lauren Hutton did a pretty good job in John Carpenter's highly underrated 'Someone is Watching Me' but that was a TV movie so I don't know if it counts. Elle MacPherson's performance in 'Sirens' was, let's say, minimalist in terms of spoken lines and clothing. Naomi Campbell is ridiculous in anything but especially so in 'Miami Rhapsody', a pisspoor film starring Sara Jessica Parker, someone I have quite a lot of time for and who, incidentally, appeared quite fetchingly in 'Honeymoon in Vegas' with Nicolas Cage.
Perhaps, Crawford should have taken acting lessons from her ex-husband Richard
Gere. Then again, maybe she did. Perhaps, you may say, I am being rather harsh
on Ms Crawford, who is certainly a beautiful and smart young woman, and on Mr
Gere, high-profile Buddhist and animal lover, who was rather excellent in the
aforementioned 'Internal Affairs'. But then again, I am a talentless nobody with
a drab, capital extensive lifestyle and they are both rich, famous and beautiful
people whose wealth and concomitant power have allowed them to live the lives
that most plebeians can only ever dream of. Now that's what I call 'fair game'.
10 out of 10
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